Sparklecakes

Feminists are kinda skanky…

In Uncategorized on November 10, 2009 at 6:21 am

Have you ever noticed that a lot of the women that claim to be feminists also have a lot of sexual partners? 

Ok- well I have.  And for the sake of this post, you’re going to take me at my word and follow like a blind sheep to slaughter, savvy?

The other day, I was at Borders and encountered a group of angry man-hatin’-stay-at-home-mom-bashin’-feminazis sitting around the cafe portion having a meeting of some sorts.  At least they made it look like a meeting.  I’m starting to wonder after what I heard that perhaps it was a self-help group for STD ridden ladies of the night.

The women were attempting to quietly discuss something extremely intellectual, I’m sure.  Probably discussing Sartre.  The discussion, however, took a quick turn for the worse when one of the women loudly declared, “We fought for our vaginas!  Own it!” 

I squeed while I was waiting in line for my super-fat-toffee-nut-why-hold-the-whipped-cream-I-love-cellulite latte.  Literally squeed.  I knew this was about to be way more interesting than my literary journal I was hoping to delve into.  Certainly much more interesting than the book on screenplay mechanics.  In fact, this might be a total screenplay idea about to play out in front of me.  GOLD MINE!

“All I’m saying,” the lady loudly continued, “is that we, as women, own our bodies.  You can use your vagina however you want.”  Well, how profound of you, weirdo.  No kidding!  Just keep your usage to yourself.  One of her companions said something that didn’t quite reach the decibal I needed it to in order to properly eavesdrop, but angry feminazi made sure I got caught up on the convo:  “Look, you’re fighting it.  If he calls you up for a booty call, accept it.  He’s your plaything.  Not the other way around.  I don’t even know what to say to you right now.  Do you have any idea how many people I’ve slept with?  Hundreds!  It’s not like I’ve just limited myself to men, either.  They always think they’re on their game and that they care if they don’t call.  I don’t!  In fact, I go into it hoping they don’t call.  I’m a woman, damn it.”

I’m about ready to pee myself at this point.  I’m also about ready to poke out my mind’s eye, crawl into a cave and never come out, and spontaneously combust from the squeeing I do when something exciting is happening.  This had a squee factor of 10.

The table resounded with clinking coffee cups, high fives, and who knows, maybe a few “Hear hears!”  The woman continued, “My foremothers didn’t fight in this country so that we could be tied down to men in a 9-5 relationship (as a side note, what in the hell is that?!).  They wanted us to go and explore our options and to never stop that exploring.  When we explore other people, we explore ourselves, and that’s what we should be about.”

NO!  You did not just say that!!!  Oh, Feminazi, you are my new hero.  You are total WIN.  Brill.  Just brill.  These women were in total stupid-smile-dead-behind-the-eyes awe of her and all I’m thinking is, “Gross, get away, she’s germariffic!  She’s admitted to sleeping with half of the U.S. population while exploring herself!”  I’m not a huge supporter of feminism anyway, I’m a little old fashioned like that, but this was a fabulous all new low for it.  I thought feminism was about wanting to work outside of the home, equal pay or equal work, etc.  Never did I equate it with booty calls and angry women engaging in hate sex.  I get the possible message in there somewhere about owning your body, but….reallyI mean, really?!? 

So, what about you?  Ever ran into a group of angry women wanting to get you alone in a dark room?

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  1. […] still working on how I want to juggle both of these, but for now, here’s the next star post for SecondHandEmbarrassment. Enjoy it, […]

  2. Gosh, I know the type exactly! Why does the thought of feminazi’s have to go hand in hand with skanky sluts. I don’t get it, but great post, and it must have been an interesting evening at Border’s.

  3. You writing is BRILLIANT! I laughed so hard I cried, picturing it all so clearly. Squeee moment – no doubt!!

    Hmmm next time I’m at borders…..

  4. I don’t think that I’ve ever encounter this type of female…but I’d be tempted to run some experiments on them. Very intriguing.

    I imagine it would be a train wreck of an experience…and I’m surprised you didn’t sit down with them and listen further. Hard core feminista!

  5. You are amazing.

    Feminists scare the hell out of me. I would’ve ran for the hills at the first mention of vagina.

    You’re probably my new idol. 😀

  6. LOVE this post! I’m right there with you on feminism, as well as your thoughts about this particular niche of feminists.

    Also, love this blog. Love your excellent grammar/spelling, love your writing style, love your content, LOVE YOUR FACE!

  7. Geez, why didn’t you just use my name when talking about me so obviously in your blog!

    Anyway, you should (attempt) to read Laura Kipnis’ Against Love to learn more about 9-5 relationships (which is a bit more socio-politically involved than what this woman seemed to understand). I couldn’t finish Kipnis’ book because the purpose was too overstated (read the prologue warning and chapter 1, that was sufficient). Potentially read Written On The Body by Jeanette Winterson for some relationship reading pleasure (it’s a little intense/depressing, but hilarious and some squeeing. And well written).

    Also, while they all clinked mugs, I’m assuming most of the other women didn’t agree w/ Femiskank, but she’s just too overbearing to bother arguing with…we all know the type.

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